My and all my really pretty friends rented a boat this weekend, and I was going to post an epic #TBT to one of my favorite boating trips. Not too sure why this boat trip sticks out as the best, but most likely it’s because this is the day I met this guy, and we raged with the 4Bs until the sun came down.
I literally don’t think WordPress has enough space for me to tell you all the details you need to know about Dan Haitz.
Dan is the typical frat star gone pro. In his college days he got super fratty with the boys of FIJI. Actually what am I saying, he’s old as shit now and he’s still getting super fratty with the boys of FIJI re: his Kentucky Derby trip. However, now he’s an actual person with real estate properties, his own company and a big boy job. Dan once told me he wanted to work at Zenefits, but wouldn’t get out of bed for under $200k ha! You can take the boy outta the frat but you can’t take the frat outta the boy.
He pretty much thinks he’s God’s gift to women. He eats nothing but chicken, and spends at least an hour a day in front of the mirror making sure his flow is just right. He’s basically a pure bread all american, cocky asshole and the ladies love it (see below, thats totally me loving it).
I met Dan on accident (trust me, if you can avoid Dan Haitz, avoid Dan Haitz) on a boating trip where he decided I was the prettiest and funniest girl he’s ever met and hasn’t stopped bugging me since. Basically Dan stalked me and forced me to hangout with his roomies where we became a #Crew. This #Crew had by far one of my favorite summers in AZ to date. Pool parties, BBQ, music festivals, and most importantly sleepovers.
Dan had this REALLY (not) gruling job where he had to travel to exquisite places and eat fancy food. While Dan was gone I’d sleep in his bed, and pack his BMW 7 series (are you surprised?) with 9 girls and drive us to Maya Day Club. Dan’s the kinda guy that eats this shit up.
When Dan was in town, he could he found paying the bouncer so he didn’t have to wait in line at the bars, or giving me his credit card to buy tequila shots at the W Hotel. This one time at the Mint, Dan handed me his credit card and said I could have whatever I wanted. Naturally I bought us a table, and by us I mean there were only 4 people. Unfortunately for Dan’s credit card, the Mint has a 2 bottle minimum for tables. As there were only 4 of us and we were tossed from a long day at Talking Stick partying for a bachelor party and gambling, we negotiated our way into paying for 2 bottles and only getting 1. Totally made sense.
Dan thinks he lives the life style of the rich and the famous. But truth be told, he ca’t even get enough likes on Instagram for the name to go away and the number to appear. And that includes my, on a rare occasion, #PittyLike. Some of Dan’s highlights are below. Note the pictures with only 1 like, told ya. Also please note his picture comments #hard.
The best part: even my Instagram pic of Dan when he moved away got more likes than Dan’s 6 pictures combined.
Dan, you’re welcome for being the coolest person you’ve ever met.