noun: A recurrent urge to steal, typically without regard for need or profit.
They called me the red-headed klepto. Well actually only one person did, because she was the one who caught me… every time. Lets get one thing straight—everything I’ve ever stolen was stolen in one weekend, by accident…except for the car, but we’ll get to that later.
Hiiiiiiiii I’m Adrienne, remember me?? I am Bailey’s friend and the newest BODI babe—SCRATCH THAT—second newest BODI babe, but that’s only because I forced my friend Taylor to move from Philadelphia to join and be friends with us (it’s for her own good). This is me and Taylor. We drink angry orchard like it’s juice (I am like pretty sure it’s juice) and running errands is our favorite hobby.
Here’s us—running errands
Ok ok ok sooooooooo back to the weekend I stole like, everything…
- Purse from Old Navy
Taylor and I were running errands (see, I told you) and were browsing Old Navy for a cute t-shirt dress. We didn’t find one, but I did find this really cute cross body purse. It was nude and matched my nude bootie heels that I force myself to wear sometimes so that I appear to be somewhat of an adult. Super casual like, I put the purse on my shoulder and continued roaming the store for another 45 min. We ended up leaving with only one pair of shoes for Tay (may or may not be the same bootie heels that I was talking about earlier). Stood in line, bought shoes, and walked out. It wasn’t until we got halfway to my car that Tay noticed I still had the purse on my shoulder…GASP!! Because I am such a good person, I went back in and paid..after waiting in line for an eternity. So no alarms or sprayed ink…sadly, my first attempt at being a badass was anything but…sigh…
On Saturdays the BODI babes frequently hang at our favorite local spot after our workout to hang out and kick start our weekend full of fun activities (we’re like, really popular)! It is normally a pretty good size line, but it is so worth it! This particular Saturday I was in line and was soooo hungry I just couldn’t even (thanks t-swift), so I opened a bag of sweet potato chips and ate all of them before I even ordered my food. I had every intention of paying for them, but then Stacey was so fluffin cute and bought my breakfast… I just forgot!! This time I just said fluff it… and didn’t even go back to pay. Whoooops.
Recap: at this point I’ve successfully stolen a purse and a bag of chips—so I am basicallyyyy Ben Affleck in the movie The Town (soOoOo dreamy). If you’re thinking what I’m thinking, its time I take my skills to the next level: car theft.
So… Just when you think you can trust someone enough to have them guest write on your blog, you find out she stole your car—sorry, Bailey. Yep, I stole your car. All while you where passed out in bed with lil ole tilly by your side. Don’t worry readers, this was post-Sunday Funday and pre-cleanse for Bailey.
The story goes something like this: Me and Tay were at a Giants Spring Training game with my dad and some of his coolest friends (JK—it was just Rory) when Bailey and her friends came to meet us. In true Bailey fashion, she roped all of us into going to El Hefe for a beergarita (ONLY ONE BEERGARITA!)…then Whiskey Row for pitchers (literally one for each of us) of beer…then Bottled Blonde for who knows what…then probably back to whiskey row…then pizza…then me, Tay, and Bailey went back to Bailey’s house. After calling our friend Mollie (the one with the great hair and her own funny blog) a hundred times, we got in bed and watched a movie. Bailey passed out (like, duh) and me and Tay decided we should prob meander our way back home. GUYS, I know…this is the good part! After 20 min of standing on street corner waiting for an Uber with both our phones dead (actually, T got hers pick pocketed…but that story is for another day), we decided we would steal Bailey’s car. Y’all. It’s like, really hard to steal a car. We go back inside and pick up the first set of keys we see, *beep*, not Bailey’s car. Back inside, find another set of keys, *beep*, not Bailey’s car. BAILEY: why the fluff do you have keys to so many cars that aren’t yours??? Maybe you’re the REAL car klepto here. Ok ok, the third set of keys, *beep*, thank god…Bailey’s car. We piled in, went and got my trusty jeep, and returned Bailey’s car safe and sound.
Now y’all know the reason behind my name: the red-headed (48 hour only) klepto..don’t judge!