Along time ago I promised you to be real with absolutely everything on this website. The stuff that works, the stuff that doesn’t work and how my travel experiences REALLY were. Recently I went to Hawaii and spent 24 hours on the island of Oahu. Basically, Hawaii is EXTREMELY overrated. I was expecting this relaxing, magical, aloha experience and that was certainly not it. Here are my 10 reasons why Hawaii is overrated and you should just consider visiting Florida.
1. 6 dollar water bottles. This is so confusing to me. All of Hawaii is an island, you are literally surrounded by water on all sides. How is water this expensive?!
2. It’s really just a bunch of palms trees. I think people from the Midwest or East Coat get all excited to go to Hawaii because all the palm trees make it seem “tropical”, cool cool. But have you ever been to Arizona? California? Florida? A bunch of other states have palm trees. In fact, every time I need my palm tree fix I just go to Desert Ridge shopping center where you enter through a row of giant palms.
3. Their leis are still FAKE. I am baffled by this. I understand having fake leis at a Hawaiian themed party that us main-landers like to throw is totally acceptable, but not in HAWAII. Also, I had to legitimately hunt down a real lei, and when I asked someone she responded “you should try the grocery store.”
FINALLY, I found a real lei… and it came in a PLASTIC TO GO BOX. You read that right folks, a plastic to go box the same as Uber eats when they bring you your french fries. AND instead of taking the lei out of the container and placing it over my head, the counter girl grabbed the container, scanned the price tag and placed it in a WHITE PLASTIC SHOPPING BAG, and then gave that to me. Am I the only one who thinks this is absolutely ludicrous?
4. It’s full of Japanese people. At the height, Japanese people counted for over 40% of the Hawaii population. Maybe I had this totally wrong impression but where are all my pacific coast islanders at? Where are my hula girls? WHERE IS LIO AND STITCH?!
5. Even their berries are from Costco. After stumbling past a Farmers Market I got super excited to buy some real Hawaiian items. I found a stand that was selling Acai Bowls and thought this was my chance. I was wrong. The girl opened up a cooler and pulled out a bag that looked all too familiar to me: KIRKLAND PINEAPPLES. Okay, folks I swear I’ve seen it all. I’m here in the capital of Pineapples and they are still buying and using Kirkland brand frozen pineapples.
6. Shopping is expensive. Again, I thought this was a great opportunity to get some authentic Hawaiian goods. Nah. Waikiki is full of your favorite Kate Spade, Tory Birch, and Prada except everything is more expensive and they’ve never even heard of the word sale. Save your money and buy on Amazon.
7. The airport, oh God the airport. Does anyone remember when Trump said LaGuardia airport is like a 3rd world country? Well Honolulu airport is like an 8th world country then. Dear baby Jesus does this airport need some updates, and the airport lounges: pitiful. The snacks in the lounge was a jar of cookies… and not good, soft, doughy, fresh baked cookie… Chips Ahoy poured into the jar, crumbs and half cookies and all.
8. Turtle bay is really cool, if you don’t step foot off the property. Who thought Turtle Bay was like an island oasis? This whole little paradise with shopping and dinning and activities… ummm you’ve been fooled. And so was I. Turtle Bay is in the middle of nowhere at the top of the island. Nothing is around it. There’s like 2 restaurants on property and a little surf store. Don’t get me wrong, the hotel is fabulous, and if it was an all inclusive hotel where you plan your vacation to stay on property then I’d say go for it. Except at Turtle Bay, everything is extra and a side of fries is $9.
9. The mandatory resort fee AKA amenity fee is bull sh*t. When we checked into our hotel the front desk told us there was a $20 amenity fee per day. I asked what this was for and was promptly told coffee in the room, access to the in room safe, and free wifi. Not needing any of these amenities I declined. However, the amenity fee is apparently mandatory for all guests. Excuse me? Mandatory fee? By definition it’s this not correct? WTF? If the fee is mandatory then just wrap it into my nightly cost and make my $150 hotel $170 per night instead.
10. The aloha spirit is a myth. The whole time in Hawaii we never encountered any true welcoming local. I mean sure, the front desk guy was very pleasant, but the whole “aloha spirit” is very non-existent. According to UHCC:
In the Hawaiian language, “aloha“ may mean love, affection, compassion, mercy, sympathy, pity, kindness or grace. These sentiments make it a lovely common greeting and expression of farewell. Living Aloha is the coordination of mind and heart within each person. It brings each person to the self.
Uh yea, that didn’t happen.
And here’s a bonus one or two for you:
The weather is sh*t and the beaches are sh*t. If you are looking for a wonderful tropical experience be prepared for AWFUL HUMIDITY and tons and tons of tourists crowding the beaches and your space.
So for now, enjoy this beautiful view and be grateful you didn’t have to fight a tourist to get to it.